FERENGI - Rules of Acquisition

Each acquisition a Ferengi is involved in is governed by a set of guidelines known as the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition. Those which have been revealed to humans are listed herein:

#1	Once you have their money ... you never give it back.
#3	Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
#4	A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
#6	Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
#7	Keep your ears open.
#8	Small print leads to large risks.
#9	Opportunity plus instict equals profit.
#10	Greed is eternal.
#12	Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
#13	Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
#16	A deal is a deal ...until a better one comes along.
#18	A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
#19	Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
#21	Never place friendship above profit.
#22	A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
#25	There's always a ways out.
#26	As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.
#27	There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
#31	Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother ...insult something he cares about instead.
#33	It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
#34	Peace is good for business.
#35	War is good for business.
#39	Friendship is temporary, profit is forever.
#40	She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
#41	Profit is its own reward.
#42	What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too.
#44	Never confuse wisdom with luck.
#46	Make your shop easy to find.
#47	Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
#48	The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
#50	Gratitude can bring on generosity.
#52	Never ask when you can take.
#57	Good customers are as rare as latinum -- treasure them.
#58	There is no substitute for success.
#59	Free advice is seldom cheap.
#60	Keep your lies consistent.
#62	The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
#65	Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
#68	Ear stroking will get you anything.
#69	Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
#71	There's a customer born every minute.
#72	Never trust your customers.
#73	If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
#75	Home is where the heart is ...but the stars are made of latinum.
#76	Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
#79	Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
#82	The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
#85	Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
#89	Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
#94	Females and finances don't mix.
#97	Enough ...is never enough.
#98	Every man has his price.
#99	Trust is the biggest liability of all.
#101	The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to purchase it for.
#102	Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.
#103	Sleep can interfere . . . .
#104	Faith moves mountains ...of inventory.
#106	There is no honor in poverty.
#109	Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
#111	Treat people in your debt like family ...exploit them.
#112	Never have sex with the boss's sister.
#113	Always have sex with the boss.
#116	There's always a catch.
#117	You can't free a fish from water.
#119	Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet.
#121	Everything is for sale, even friendship.
#123	Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
#125	Count it.
#135	Never trust a beneficiary.
#139	Wives serve, brothers inherit.
#141	Only fools pay retail.
#144	There's nothing wrong with charity ...as long as it winds up in your pocket.
#146	Necessity, n. The mother of invention. Profit is the father.
#153	Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
#162	Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
#168	Whisper your way to success.
#169	Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.
#177	Know your enemies ...but do business with them always.
#181	Not even dishonestly can tarnish the shrine of profit.
#189	Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
#190	Hear all, trust nothing.
#191	A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
#192	Never cheat a Klingon ...unless you're sure you can get away with it.
#194	It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
#200	If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.
#202	The justification for profit is profit.
#203	New customers are like Razor Toothed Greeworms. They can be succulant, but sometimes they bite back!
#208	Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is the answer.
#211	Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
#214	Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.
#218	Always know what you're buying.
#219	Possession is eleven-tenths of the law.
#223	*Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.*
#229	Latinum lasts longer than lust.
#236	You can't buy fate.
#239	Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
#242	More is good ...all is better.
#255	A wife is a luxury ...a smart accountant a necessity.
#261	A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
#263	Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.
#265	The customer is always right ...until you get their cash.
#266	When in doubt, lie.
#267	Cheating is wrong, but it's good for business.
#268	Latinum is better than everything.
#269	A man is counted by his latinum.
#284	Deep down everyone's a ferengi.
#285	No good deed ever goes unpunished.
#286	When Morn leaves, it's all over.

As more of these rules are revealed to humans by the friendly Ferengi, Quark, I shall attempt to add them to this list.